ScurrilousMonk

do not seek an easy practice

2007-06-07T22:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Readers,

I am going to have to ask some of you who have been around for a while to forgive me for repeating myself again and again...but I think it is time for another crack at post number 3. (sometimes I feel there are maybe five posts I just write over andover.....(1: get a teacher 2: yes you really need to bring this into your real life...and on and on a few more numbers.)

We seem to think there is a shortcut...that all we need do is to think the right thoughts, see the right things or even feel the right things......and poof.....so if we read enough books by Thich Nat Hanh or the Dalai Lama then we can be just like them. But Thich Nat Hanh's practice was tempered in a real war zone with grenades and bullets, and the Dalai Lama was driven from his country that he was responsible for and watched those friends under his protection tortured and killed.

Those who pretend to walk around as holy as the Dalai Lama and have not had their practice tested as deep and as hard have no idea whether or not they could respond like he or Thay did to their life practice. The fact is ....none of us knows what will hold up when push comes to
shove...we can only hope we will have the strength to stand as these men have. They have what some of us call "street cred"(cred is short for credibility)......they have proved themselves in the toughest going......and we simply have not. Even though what the Dalai Lama faces in his daily life now seems like a piece of cake compared to what happened earlier...it only seems so relatively. Without the hard stuff that went before...this is still the hardest thing we know....and if the hardest thing we know is living in the richest (or one of the richest) countries in the world ...then that is really not so hard after all.....no wonder it seems difficult to have to deal with a flat tire in rush hour...it is the worst thing to happen to us in ages.

When we have a practice that does not work even in the mildest of conditions to keep us on a stable footing on the path......then we lack "street cred".

The native American elder who I used to work with always says "If your religion does not grow corn...then it is useless". If when you are depressed and looking at that bottle of wine...or when your friends are over and you have a hard time saying no...and you wind up drunk on the
floor and in some trouble...then you lack the "street cred"....your religion does not work for you when the going gets rough...and what you are offering to others is a fraud. The problem is ...the only way to know if your way works when the going gets tough is to actually practice in some tough places. This does not mean that we need to deliberately seek out difficult things....life has a way of handing us difficult things to deal with even in the nicest of places. What we need to
understand though......is when we talk about how abused we were as a child..........we are not going to have much street cred with some 12 year old girl who has had her clitoris cut off and has been a sex slave for 6 years already in some third world country....so we have to also
take a look at our credibility when we speak. We have to gain an understanding about the depth of our own practice and seek our own level and not try to preach to those who will not believe we have any credibility to speak to them.

The thing is......the more we have suffered, the more credibility we have when we talk about how to relieve suffering. The Dalai Lama and Thich Nat Hanh have a whole lot of street cred.....almost anyone wants to have the results of their practice....but no one wants to have to go through what they did to get it.....the problem is ....you cannot borrow someone else's credibility ...it is not yours to share or offer....you can only offer your own....and if what you have does not work in a warm apartment on a gloomy day....it does not have much credibility to a pregnant child in a planned parenthood clinic....no matter if you borrowed one of Thay's books to hand out ....or the latest wisdom from the Dalai Lama. I doubt even Thay would hand out one of his books in that situation ...even though he has more right to do so than we do.....he would probably sit down and hold a hand and stay till no one needed to hold a hand any longer. If he said anything it would probably be words of comfort....spoken in his own words directly to the heart of the person who's hand he holds.

So .......when push comes to shove ...and we are calm...and able to pass through it without getting stuck....then we gain a little credibility....and we then can help others through that particular situation.....because it is not the way that fails if we cannot ...it is
us.....and no matter how well we negotiated the last trial...we still have no idea how well we will negotiate the next one....and we must, if we wish to lead others through it...inspire confidence in those we wish to lead. I do have faith through my practice that this way works in some
pretty tough times..........so...if you want one way that works......this is one.

I have had too good karma to have passed a test in a battle...or to have starved in a third world country.....I cannot really speak to post traumatic stress syndrome, or slavery, or even imprisonment. (though in my naivety I have tried in the past). This stuff we end up dealing with
here is basically a kindergarten practice.....I do not aspire to be the Dalai Lama because I do not wish to be tested as deep and hard as he was....I am fine with being a kindergarten teacher. I will never be great as these men because my karma is too good......a thing I am thankful for every day.

I was raised in a violent and abusive family situation...my father drank all the time and beat my mother almost as frequently; we were physically abused. Yet I lived in a free country in a warm house, with clothes to wear and an education for free within walking distance ........Compared to some in the world....this would have been the best childhood they could imagine.

It is not a surprise to me that compared to Thich Nat Hanh...I lack a little street cred.........to some it seems a surprise to them that they do.

So...I do not care what you think ....I only care if you can walk your path through a little difficulty.....because compared to some..if you have a computer and access to electricity your difficulty is going to be little compared to theirs. If you cannot handle an email list, you
cannot handle life, and if you cannot handle life, you have no business in other people's business. So now you "have seen the light"......how about you go about and get a little street cred before you try and thrill an audience that has seen the same show before....before you comeon here and try to sound like the Dalai Lama ...how about you demonstrate a little bit of his actual practice?....otherwise you come off as an actor playing a part.......like a con....a liar.......dishonest. If you do not talk about moon being moon with your homies...do not put it on here for us....it just sounds fake because it is.

If all you can really talk about is how you could stub your toe and continue walking the path...then talk about that...and those who might stub their toes will benefit.....and you will have the benefit of sounding and being authentically what you are.

No..... I do not sound like a Japanese Zen master....I do not talk like the Dalai Lama...nor Thich Nat Hanh.......I never will........if you are looking for that....go someplace else...if you feel that is lacking here fine...but if you are going to say something say something honest...do
not borrow Thay's wisdom or the words of the Dalai Lama. Perhaps it would be better if you go off and develop a practice as tried and tested as Thay's and then bring your own wisdom here.....then we would honor it.........In case you have not noticed......we only pick on those who
try and come off like the Dalai Lama is their younger spiritual sibling after they have had a whole five minutes of insight, and little or no actual practice.

Interesting isn't it? Thich Nat Hanh had a teacher..the Dalai Lama had a teacher, Dogen, Bodhidarma, Nagarajuna and Ananda had a teacher....the Sixth Patriarch had a teacher....and for those in the know (a little esoteric secret here) even Shakyamuni had a teacher....he is the Sixth
name on my lineage chart....not the first.....seems a little bit....well ....arrogant to think we can get it by reading a book and pondering a bit on our own doesn't it?

All right...this got longer than I had planned it to....and maybe a bit of post #1 and post #2 got worked in there as well.....but I guess it is what it is. It took pretty much all my free time today to get this whipped into some sort of shape....the grandson was needy today.......what an honor to be the one who can offer comfort in a time of difficulty.....makes passing through a bit of difficulty yourself seem like a small price to pay.

Be Well

Fudo

a little brad warner

2007-06-01T23:10:00.000-05:00

Here is a quote from an article by Brad Warner on the common ground
website. http://commongroundmag.com/2007/06/tunein0706.html for the
full article.

"
"Nobody's tricked you, you moron," they'd say. "You know what the
truth is. Stop being such a bonehead, and take an honest look at
yourself." Gensa didn't need a Learned Zen Master to tell him he was
in pain when he stubbed his toe that day. And you don't need anyone to
tell you what your life really is either. You sure as heck don't need
me. I cannot possibly tell you anything you don't already know. You
probably agree, since, if you're like most people, you think I'm an
idiot. But you probably also think that somewhere out there in the
land where books are written is someone way cooler and tons more
spiritually advanced than me who can tell you something you don't
already know. Keep right on looking. The publishing industry loves you."

Brad is recounting the tale of Gensa, a monk who gets all upset and is
ready to leave the fricking temple when he stubs his toe on the way
out the gate....and finally understands that he has been deluding
himself that his body is just an illusion, and there is only one who
can delude him...and he will no longer be able to do that anymore.

I just thought I might share this ...for those of you who think the
word moron is not something a Zen priest should say....That no kind of
Buddhist monk would talk like I do.....not only does Brad say it....he
says his teacher's said it to him.

Maybe some of us can fool ourselves into thinking that all Buddhist
monks are sweet and tender, loving teachers who wrap their arms
tenderly around everyone who shows up at the gate.....Here is just a
little point to who is really deluding who.

Many people come here and think that because they fool themeselves,
they can fool me, and all the rest of the rest of the list.

All I ask is that you come here in honesty...and do not ask questions
intended to decieve, muddy the water, or keep yourself in your
delusion because you can delude yourself into thinking you can blame
someone or something else for your misery.

Do not come here and ask questions like "If a man has no teacher, no
sangha, and by chance wakes up, is it not right that he should seek
confirmation from the sources available to him?" ...who exactly do you
think you are fooling? No one really honestly talks like that. The
language is designed to deceive.

Being real and honest.....that is one mark. "I just can't be deceived
by others." and the corollary....I no longer wish to decieve myself
nor others.

Sorry...but anyone with a true awakening would run not walk to the
nearest person who might be able to confirm, and present themselves as
honestly and fully as they could. The internet would leave too much
room for even accidental deception. It could never be sufficent. So
then answer is in the question. A man who by chance wakes up..would
not be without teacher nor sangha for long. Ergo....no teacher no
sangha...no demonstration of awakening...ergo no realized awakening
(awakening made real...realization). All that has been demonstrated by
chance is a dream of realization...and the dream is not enough.

Perhaps we might look to the Sixth patriarch...who awakened (perhaps
by chance) to a monk's chanting of the Diamond sutra. He left as soon
as he could to find a teacher and a temple to practice in. When he was
not found suitible to practice with the real monks...he cut bamboo in
the garden just to be near the teacher and the temple, when it came
time to pick the teacher's successor....it was his poem that won the
robe...and he had to sneak off in the dark so as not to cause the
"real monks" to murder him in their jealousy. Even so they gave chase
and could not find him. In the story there is never a hint that there
is something wrong with the system......the sixth patriarch could not
be deceived. His teacher could not be deceived...certainly not by others.

Be Well

Fudo

something little you could do

2007-02-14T08:56:00.000-06:00

For those of us who are frustrated and angry with our government for some of the things that have been
going...or for Washington as a whole........a congress that debates instead of acts....a president who does
not feel the need to lead....those of us who feel disenfranchised and unheard I propose a way to be heard.

Let us do a little thing. Let us go to the funeral of those who live in our town, or near our town who are killed
in the undeclared war in Iraq, let us go to the funeral of anyone killed in the war on terror that we are able to
attend....the government and the media are not interested in us seeing the flag draped caskets. Perhaps...if say a
hundred or so too many to get into the church show up at a funeral..there will at least be local coverage of the event.
If more manage to show up......so much the better......but what would be the effect on our senators and representatives
if they had to hold soldier's funerals in sports stadiums and hire off duty police to direct traffic?...if downtown got
shutdown due to traffic? Could your school flunk you for missing class to attend a funeral?....what would happen to an employer
who was not patriotic enough to let his or her employees attend funerals of fallen soldiers? Who could accuse you of not
supporting the troops, or not being patriotic....come ...wave a flag if you wish.....could your senator or representative afford to be less patriotic
than a few lefties?.....could anyone fault you for wanting to honor those who died in your name?..could others be shamed into taking care
of the injured....if we lined up at the hospitals to watch the ambulances roll in?

We could, of course, all put a dollar in an offering basked for the family of the deceased. We could volunteer at the hospitals until they could not
help to change something do deal with the lines of volunteers that snaked for blocks around rehab hospitals. There are many more things we could
do...but we could start here....just go to a funereal.....one.........

So now ...do not tell me you are helpless..do not tell me you have no idea what you can do. Now that the idea has been shared........the rest is up to you.

I am a child of the 60s and 70s...I remember when a rag tag small group of students demonstrated on my campus...the ruckus in the press was weeks in the debate.......
what more effect could mothers and grandmothers, vets and bank tellers, grandfathers and fathers have?......what issue can all of us come together on if it is not that those who have died or
sacrificed loved ones or body parts in our name deserve our respect?

Be Well

Fudo

on western Zen, and Buddhism as a whole

2007-02-11T10:58:00.000-06:00

One of the difficulties of transmitting a way across cultures, is that there are things that do not transfer. We westerners are terribly myopic...what happens here and what we think about it is all that is important....we wandered into a recent war because we could not see beyond our own borders to what would happen if we set off alone to persue something most of the rest of the world found abhorent.

There are Buddhists in the world today who do still think the medical professions are indeed not right livelihood. There are more Buddhists in the world who feel the highest ranking woman should bow to the lowest ranking man than there are who think there should be equality between the sexes...My fellow monks in Japan could not comprehend the fact that there were women in the west who wanted to be nuns....Japanese nuns tend to be orphans who are raised by a temple...few women in Japan would seek to be a priest or a monk...and they certainly would not be encouraged by the Zen community to seek such an ill fitting path...In Japan the group is more important than an individual to this day..the group just looks funny if female forms are underneath the robes...there is a small minority that feels differently ..but this is still the prevailing attitude..... There are probably as many Buddhists in the world today who still think it is impossible to be enlightened while in a female body as there are who think the sex of one's body does not matter......these are the facts........pretending they are not true because we do not see them does not make them go away...

This being said, not every so called "good" solution we in the west have attempted is in fact an improvement. Some of the quaint things we have discarded have in fact been part of the baby that has been discarded with the bathwater.

Saying the sex of the body does not matter does nothing about adapting methods and teachings that have primarily been for one sex to the new way.......there is not a lot about how to handle sexuality in the sangha (an issue the Buddha tried hard to avoid)in what has been brought to this shore.... and not addressing this in the new way will lead to a whole new set problems as we move forward.......witness all the problems of a sexual nature that have occured here in the west...that just do not seem to be that much of an issue in Japan........should men and women practice together an how is not a question that can really be anwered by "of course" without developing some kind of definintions of what is appropriate and how to actually bring this "of course" into a real functioning sangha.

One of the teachings I was exposed to in Japan was about begging and offerings......there is a basic teaching in Buddhism from the first about begging....which was dismissed as "difficult" in America for example.....since the practice is fairly unpleasant for the monk...no one really tries to hard to find a way to incorporate this practice in the west.....and many excuses as to why it cannot be done are offered.....there are things you learn while begging..especially if you are taught to beg in the traditional Buddist way...that you stop at every house..not just the rich or likely to respond ones...that you accept every offering.....nothing is spurned....if you are given a shot of saki..you knock it back...sometimes this is a source of entertainment for some less than respectful people in Japan..to force the monk to compromise the vow not to drink intoxicants and to throw them into conflict with the precepts and the practice about drink....but when the shot is just swallowed a lesson is presented to all who are there. It also breeds a less....well rigid and less easy to understand and interpret view of the precepts...In begging we are taught to sacrifice our honor, our face, our pride, our expectations and our beliefs for what is considered a greater good...there is no such training in most of the Sanghas I have visited in the west. No one wants to go begging....it is intersting to me that when I found a way to actually go begging in America...my experience of begging was virtually the same...about as many of the people gave..about the same average amount..about as many drove me away, about as many taunted me...about as many appreciated what I was doing ...and about as many were led to approach me and ask about what was going on....in spite of all the logic offered as to why we could not do this practice in America....I found it not all that hard to accomplish...when I wanted to.

In the west we practice according to our preference...and style triumphs over substance. I do not know how you become egoless doing exactly as your ego wishes you to do......in Japan we did things we did not want to do at all....all the time....and it was good for us...and we learned we did not need to indulge our egos in every moment....I am waiting to see this idea transfer to the west...so far the effort seems feeble, and the way more about feeding our ego rather than slowly starving it.

It seems to me this is the very baby of Zen.....and it has been tossed with the bathwater. Perhaps it is time to look again beyond the front door of our countries borders, and see if the baby on the ground there is still alive enough to bring back into our lives.

Maybe it would be better to examine some of the conflicts and resolve them to pretend they do not exist. One of the practical problems presented in the modern world presents itself in choices I am offered right now...I have two teachers who have offered to transmit teacher's robes to me...One is respected in Japan, but has problems with many here in America. One is a man and one is a woman. One is fairly well respected in a tiny community in the West, but will never be respected by the establishment in Japan. One is condsidered a respectible member of a long and well established lineage....one is considered a less than desireable member of an old lineage. One would be an international bridge to help bring the old ways to the west..and in the short term an advantage to the idea of planting the dharma in a wide way in the west...one I think really has it...and is going to plant deep the roots...that will take generations to earn respect, and likely be leader of a very small group for a very long time...and if they ever gain notice..it will be long after they are dead..

Interestingly ...both have begged with a bowl....for hours in hot robes and straw sandals...in the hot sun....in tropical humidity.

I have recieved the precepts in two lineages....now I can choose which shade my teacher's robes will be......"once basic approaches are determined...then there are guiding rules"....I am a metaphor for Zen in the west....we too have yet to determine our basic approach....I am grieved that many seem to be choosing an approach that indulges ego in order to raise the funds necessary to earn a living in the west. An approach that feeds the ego, rather than working to bring it under our control, one where style triumphs over substance, and one where only offerings of sufficent quality and quantity are acceptible.

Be Well

Fudo

keeping promises and the precepts

2007-02-09T09:56:00.000-06:00

Recently I was exposed to someone preparing to take the precepts for the first time....in their excitement
and enthusiasm of the impending event...and after a long preparation the person in an excess of
that enthusiasm chose to share their insight into the majesty of the precepts.

Now I do not know how it works in other places with other people, but when I say I have transmitted
the precepts to another person......I do not mean that I have given them a list of several instructions on
how to live their life.....I mean that the person in question has at least demonstrated a basic understanding
of the nature of the vows that they are taking.

I can understand the precepts being offered in the hope that the person in question will come to some sort of
understanding at some possible future date.......but I feel that is like asking a person in the court of law to swear
they will tell the truth and nothing but the truth someday.

In case you have not figured it out...the precepts are a koan. They are impossible to keep. Much effort is
spent in trying to rationalize all this out...but like all koans.....the effort is futile....by the time you pull the first precept
out of memory and dust it off...the moment to act according to its guidelines is already passed. "do not kill"...you have to
kill....if you do not kill something else...you will kill yourself.

Chase your tail on that one for as long as you wish.....but it ends up throwing you back into life as it is...completely.
In order to keep this simple precept, you have to leap beyond it ....and just kill killing. Before I can transmit the precepts
to you, you have to kill the precepts. This has been said many ways one famous one....."if you see the Buddha walking down the
road, kill him"....how can you reconcile that one with do not kill?

I do not know about other teachers, but I will not transmit the precepts to anyone who thinks ....that eating vegetables is living according to
the precepts. Or that not going to war is living according to the precepts...or that it is impossible to be a butcher, or a farmer , or even a gardener
while still being living according to the precepts....or that kind speech has to be quiet or pleasing to the ears.

Every time someone tries to pull the precepts on me....I wonder who transmitted the precepts to them..........as for me?....Shoken Winecoff Roshi...and Narasaki
Tsugen Roshi. Someday I would like to find someone to transmit what I was offered to...it is sort of an obligation.......so I poke about ....waving a stick....
looking for someone whom I can seal as having glimpsed the koan....or at the very least...understands that the vows are impossible to keep, and that they have just been handed
a koan that will never be completely solved.

Be Well

Fudo

on the practice of building temples

2007-02-04T10:15:00.000-06:00

Perhaps I have a different perspective on the practice of Zen because I came to it differently
than many modern western practitioners. I was following a tradition that was exotic and different
so had already worked out my need for something "special" that made me stand out from the crowd....
my teacher died and the ways to connect with that tradition died with him.

So I was casting about for a new way....during the turbulence surrounding my leaving of my old way....I
sat down to figure out how to go forward..it took a while...so I sat for quite a while...then eventually
wandered off to a nearby Zen temple to see if what there was to this "just sitting".....what I saw there was
a fairly off putting funereal atmosphere with a bunch of apparently really self righteous explorers off on
some exotic trip that just did not seem to be very ....well........appealing to me. I felt like there was something
to the teachings of the Buddha, but had a real hard time connecting the uptight even anal atmosphere where you
had to practice for a year before they let you light a candle to what I had been reading.

Then I met this guy who was building a temple. I asked If I could go help him........he said sure...one of the first
projects we worked on was a set of stone steps at retreat center. We went and hauled the stone from the quarry, pulled
the huge slabs into place and fit them together...then we refit them...and refit them again..and again...and a project I thought
would take an afternoon took a week....all the while me complaining to my wife (who labored on the steps with me along with
me) that this crazy old bald guy never seemed to be satisfied until everything was perfect. I even wrote my first Zen poem about
the project....

At Hokyoji
the stone steps
are never finished.

I took a while to understand ...I did not understand at the time....or even for a few years later.....we worked on projects together because I thought
there was something important happening, and I wanted to be part of it...here was something that I could relate to that in my innocence I thought was
wholly good. I could sense there was something big and good here...I just wanted to be a part of it.

Eventually like all innocents, I became a bit disillusioned about some of the things I had worked on...politics and egos seemed ever present..and what to an innocent
seemed wholly good, was in fact just as riddled with corruption and greed as any other human institution.

I kept showing up...so it seemed eventually that I should join up..so I asked my teacher to ordain me.. He refused. I asked again.....he refused again....we did lay ordination ...then he
made some vague remarks about maybe someday...we continued to work together on another temple....He said he wanted me to go to Japan....I did not really want to go......but
I made a deal with the devil...I would go...but only as an ordained monk. I could not afford to pay the fees for lay practice, and did not want to be on the outside looking in...If I went ..It
was going to be all or nothing. He agreed. ...and paid for the trip because I worked for three months full time with him to finish his new Zen Center.

One of the most memorable experiences I had while practicing in the 750 year old temple was raking leaves off of the graves of some of the first monks at the temple. ...they were probably the ones who built it. There was a shift in perspective...and I realized that as a part of this tradition, some new monk might be raking leaves off of my grave 750 years from now. As I walked up the stone path to the temple gate ...I realized that even though no one remembered their name, nor what they thought about...nor what ever we think is important about us today, we still walked on the paths they built...we sheltered under the roof they built.....we sat on the floor they assembled...our practice stood on their bones.

I remember my teacher's smile when I put it together for him some years later when we were in a group debating about where to build the Buddha hall on our newly donated monastery land.
All the builders, the donors, the business men said to build on the hill above the old farm house...because the well was nearby and it would be cheaper and more practical. My teacher wanted to build it upon another hill ...a way across the lane on a beautiful site where the view would be timeless, but the cost more expensive and the logistics a bunch more difficult. Thinking back to the stone steps, and the beautiful temples on the Japanese hills, when he asked for my opinion....I said,"Well if we were building for the next 20 years...I would build it above the farmhouse...but if we are building it for the next 300 years ...I would put it on the hill across the lane." The beautiful Buddha Hall (and the shell of the kitchen and residence building) now stand on the hill across the lane....because I understood that we were not building the stone steps for the next 20 years.....we were building the stone steps to last forever.

Often in these days where everything we think is important...and the next fad is more important than the last....where short term profit is all there is and we all want enlightenment now...or better yet yesterday, and we all want everyone else to be enlightened right now as well...it is easy to lose some perspective. All I have to do when I get to caught up in the right now, and the desire to get the damn job finished so I can get on with the next...is to look at the temple on the hill.........where the new steps were just as carefully placed as the first set I worked on. .....and think about who might be walking on them 750 years from now.....and what I think loses its importance. No one will remember my name (even though it is inscribed on the temple rolls) no one will care what I thought. No one will have any idea why I took the time to build the steps........but maybe someday...some monk will be sweeping my grave.....and wake up just a little bit.

So now......when the tempest of the moment upsets others, It does not seem to bother me so much. What I think dims in proportion. What others (and even me) think or feel is only a flash of lightening. Which will followed by a peal of thunder, which will drop a little rain that will flow off the solid roof I helped build that shelters generations of monks striving for perfection I will probably never reach, and flows through the gardens I helped plant to lift the spirits of the troubled, and nourishes the trees that shelter the bell tower that we built that will call the devout to practice for centuries to come, then down the well built stone steps, and into the graveyard to soak my dry bones.

I am an American, I felt I did not need to go to Japan and go through all that militant training. I did not want to go...I pretty much hated most of what went on there...I am not fond of getting up early ..or even sitting for hours on end. I hate formality in all its forms. What most people love about Zen, I do not much care for. Fortunately we do not all have to be alike. The tradition of Zen has so much more than sitting meditation involved in it...and there are many ways to practice. I did not need to go to Japan, I pretty much did not like being there........but I am ever so glad I went.

People often say I am a poor excuse for a monk. I do not really understand the teachings of the Buddha......and certainly I am not the least bit enlightened. I would have to agree... I am not neat and tidy, I do not always pick up after myself or sit longer and straighter than anyone else. I avoid much more than a period or so of Zazen a day with an effort that would put an Olympic athlete to shame. I sneak satisfying food at every opportunity because rice and veggies just do not float my boat. I laugh when I should be serious, and am serious when I should laugh...all in all...a pretty much disreputable monk. There is no hope here for the enlightenment so many striving on the hill might someday have. I spent some time in Samadhi...I find it boring....... a couple of months and even a mental orgasm fades in its attraction. I have nothing against those who strive for Nirvana...it is a noble chase. It is just not for me.....and since I can no longer tolerate the diet nor the endless sitting physically....I will never really practice in the temple on the hill.

I am not really all that concerned. I just look at those stone steps.......and figure it is enough.

Be Well

Fudo

He lied to me (on the nature of the precepts)

2007-01-04T10:55:00.000-06:00

Dear J and I,

I think that sometimes our puritan roots come peeking out from under our robes.

The precepts are not laws that someone must follow...the precepts are guidelines to navigate our own lives by...but just as a map of the sea will show a "ideal" route...one must take into consideration wind, wave, and light conditions as well as the size of the ship, and the power and turning radius of this particular boat, when one decides how close to navigate through the shoals..the map shows the shoals..but it does not show the safe route through for us under all conditions...just because from our place (hindsight is 20/20) we can point out how a navigator has deviated from the "ideal" route, does not mean that the route the navigator chose was not a safe route for the conditions, nor does it mean the general "ideal" route was the "best" in those particular conditions.

Shohaku Okumura Sensei put it this way "one does not have to go to the north star to steer by it."

Even the Buddha said that telling a lie was proper if it moved someone out of a burning building. This was an example of skillful means.

Since none of us is actually in the conditions of another of us...we have no real idea as to the proper or safe course another individual must navigate through their life to reach the other shore safely...we are specifically charged with not becoming "precept police" for others so as to gather examples of others failings to "properly follow" our interpretations of the precepts that we can wave like bloody flags pointing to others failures. (there is also a precept that says one should not put others down in order to raise themselves up)...we should not even use others actions that have harmed us as justification for our present state of emotion. We are always responsible for our own navigation of the precepts. Using others failures to prop up our own ideas and emotions is also in "technical violation" of the precepts. I am not angry because he hit me, or lied to me...I am angry because I am afraid. ....perhaps afraid he will hurt me or betray me again....but in at least acknowledging the true cause of my anger...I can then take steps not to let the fear run my responses....and thus steps to assure that my behavior better matches the ideal course set out in the precepts.

I am the child of a man too fond of the bottle for his whole life (a sensitive man who could not handle the things the world threw at him without self-medicating). My father beat my Mother (when he was drinking which was whenever he had the money for a drink), and my Mother stayed with him for her own reasons. I grew up in a household where not one day went by without a screaming contest between my parents, I grew up thinking this was the way people lived. For the early part of my adulthood I blamed my parents for my fighting with my spouse, and proudly held that I was better than my parents because I never hit anyone who did not hit me first......then I grew up and realized that at 27 perhaps I could not longer blame my parents for the state of my life, and now that I had been an adult for a while, perhaps I was where I was because I was choosing to do the things that led me to where I was, and since I did not like the place I was , perhaps if I was going to change that place, I was going have to change what I did that led me to that place.

This idea has led me to the place I am today, which is by my own acknowledgment, a less than perfect place according to the precepts. but it is one hell of a lot better a place than I would be in if I kept blaming my parents, and acting exactly like them through my own fear.

I can give you a long list of the names I have been called along the journey...some by well meaning and compassionate people. I laugh at the list...because the names are all accurate...I am not separate from one of the least of my fellow beings. While the list is all true, and I am far from perfect, this place is still a whole lot better than some of the places I have been, I know that through my personal experience. As well meaning as the advice I change my course is, I am quite satisfied with the journey I am navigating right now.

The precepts need to be taken as a whole..but not for the purpose of us judging other's adherence to them...the precepts along with all the teachings..including skillful means are taken as a whole as guidelines for our own choices...not as rules we or any one else need to stick to without fail.

In Zen our light is directed inward ...towards our own behavior, our own conditions. We are charged with being compassionate toward those who share our own conditions to one degree or another. Sometimes in that compassion we want to see that others do not make the same mistakes that we did, but each person must learn in their own way and in their own time..there is no making them get it before they screw up like we did....we needed the conditions to be right before we learned what we know now...so do our children, spouses, and friends. Even though we would like to share our hard won wisdom with others, the truth as old Homeless Kodo put it is "We cannot share so much as a fart together."...your experience of my fart is completely different than my experience of my fart...even though we are in the same time and place....and of course there is no you and no me.......lol.....well there is ...sort of ....you are not relieved by my expelling of gas.You will not learn by my experience. There are separate beings, just not separate from conditions we share...both of us must wait till the bell rings before we flee the smell.

Be Well

Fudo

What is this transmission?

2006-05-16T07:25:00.000-05:00

donald wrote:
>
> In the transmission, other than the ceremonial, certification, sealing
> and robing, is there anything spiritual? What I am asking is that
> your description belongs to the "realm of visible forms". Is there
> anything "unvisible, real and true" being transmitted?

Dear Donald,

In Soto what is being transmitted is a way of being. Dogen constantly
refers to "negotiating the way". As far as I know the Soto sect does not
postulate on the unknowable.....the invisible....and as for truth...well
that seems to be in the eye of the beholder.

One of course, has to be able to see the way in order to negotiate it.
What is being stamped and approved is your "way of being" in the
world...now one can postulate whether there is something invisible or
some understanding that is being demonstrated here...but Soto pretty
much sticks to what you can see, hear,touch, taste, and smell. So we
watch...we see how you raise the curtain...there is a famous story where
one master turns to a senior monk and says about two monks raising the
Zendo curtain..."the one on the right has it." We put emphasis on acting
like a Buddha in the world, not about what you think about, or how
clearly you see.......what is important in Soto is whether or not you
act like a Buddha or Bodhisattva....not whether or not you know how one
should act. What we desire is to see the manifestation of the
Bodhisattva here and now, in each and everything you do.....so what is
certified is this demonstration.

Often in Soto circles you see reading, thinking, discussion in order to
understand spoken of as a waste of time.....if you take time to
understand, you have missed the moment..one cannot understand this
moment, one can only understand the last moment......so you are always a
step behind, a bit off if you wait for understanding. What matters is
not if you understand the story about Buddha holding up the flower and
Mahakashapa smiling...... Ananda understood the story ...it was not
enough....what is required is that in the instant the flower is held up
there is a smile.....this is why Mahakashapa got the robe and Ananda did
not. Ananda had memorized every word, understood every teaching, but was
still too late with the smile.

*grin*

Be Well

Fudo

Questions

2006-05-15T09:20:00.000-05:00

S wrote:
> Hi,
>
> I'm new to the group and I'd like to jump right in and
> ask some questions to the Scurrilous Monk, but also to
> the group in general.
>
> What are your views on practicing alone? Practicing
> without personal access to a teacher, for
> transmission? Practicing without a zendo to attend and
> a community to practice zazen with?
>

Practicing alone is not having a Zen practice.

Practicing without a teacher is not having a Zen practice.

Practicing without a community to practice with is not having a Zen
practice.

I take refuge in the Buddha (the teacher)
I take refuge in the Dharma (the teachings)
I take refuge in the Sangha ( community of believers)

These are basic precepts of Zen Buddhism. If you do not have all
three...you do not have a Zen practice.

A Zen practice is a specific thing (or things as there are both Rinzai
and Soto zen practices).

Zen is a transmission outside words and letters....how are you going to
get the transmission without a teacher?.....how are you going to get
something outside words and letters by reading words and letters. Now it
is possible to download something from the ethers by yourself......you
could call it a transmission in the same way that tv is
transmitted....but it is not a Zen transmission...it is not even a
standard it is not an automatic transmission....it might not even been a
sane transmission.(I have seen some pretty out there claims in my time).
The transmission of the authentic Buddha seal is and can only be
accomplished by someone who has it authenticated.

There is no tradition that says "do whatever you like". ....period.....
There is no anarchy tradition.....what an oxymoron. ....there are even
standards for what Unitarianism is....and there are standards for
Ordination and membership. You are welcome to stop by a Unitarian Church
for a Service.......but It is not proper to call yourself a Unitarian
unless you subscribe to the standard they set....it is also not proper
to call your self a "Zen" person unless you subscribe to the standards
the Zen traditions set as standard.

Metaphysically speaking, is it better to do something rather than
nothing?.....yes, but it is better to do any one thing the correct way
then to do everything incorrectly.

It is better to have a real practice in your real life then it is to
have hours and hours of pretending you have a relationship with some one
on line. Sex with a real partner is different than cyber sex no matter
how good an imagination you have. (how many ways can you type Oooh ooooh
oooh?)

No Zen teachers in your community?....you are not able to travel to
visit one even for a day or a few hours?......then perhaps Zen is not
for you. Rather than having a fantasy relationship with Christy
Brinkley...you might be more rewarded by asking out a local
girl....rather then practicing your fantasy of Zen, you would be better
off connecting with whatever real tradition is available to you in your
local community.

Sitting around having cyber sex or imagining you are in love with
Christy Brinkley can indeed be life changing experiences. It is my
contention that mowing your lawn or breathing each breath are also life
changing experiences....what makes breathing and mowing lawns Zen
experiences is if they are done in the context of having a Zen teacher
and practicing with a Zen community. They are community Service if they
are assigned to you by a judge, or Christian activities if you are
baptized. They are a form of spiritual masturbation if you do it all for
and by yourself as you yourself envision good things to be.

Ok then, what if what is locally available is not your cup of
tea?....maybe it is not exotic enough for you?....maybe it is too
common?...maybe the people are a bunch of hypocrites?.....or you were
personally hurt by someone associated with them?...or they are too
authoritarian for you?.....hmm....maybe there is something wrong with
you? None of the girls or guys about town "good" enough for you?.....

I am sure Christy is just waiting to go out with someone who can't get
a date at home. I am sure Zen teachers , like Christy Brinkley, are
sitting around looking for yet another know-it- all with a cup already
full to show up at their door too. Might I be so bold as to suggest you
fix your problems before you get into a relationship?....maybe if you
had something to offer the local girls, you would not have to head off
to New York in search of the next available super model. It is possible
that the girl you are cybering with looks like Christy Brinkley...it is
not too likely though...girls who look like Christy have better things
to do with their time. It just might be a better use of your time to go
out and be nice to the local girls, be polite, make a little nice
conversation, listen to them, make them smile. Zen might look better to
you then whatever is around the corner......but if the Zen teacher on
line were indeed a super-model....he or she would not be sitting around
cybering with you either.

Ahh ha! ...now you have me!!! How come I am sitting around offering
advice on the internet?...(why do I say I am not teaching Zen
here?).....because I am a crappy monk (see the title of the blog). I am
a bad example....no one bothers to come to me for teaching because I do
not really sound like a monk (I don't really look like the stereotype
either)...I am not exotic...not even cool......I am certainly not a
Christy Brinkley like monk. (no matter what others might imagine me to
be). I am not worth much...but perhaps by sitting around this imaginary
sangha I can point someone to what is real....after all...I have nothing
better to do with my time.

There are no shortage of folks who will tell you how great they are as
they sell you something over the internet...(their latest book for
example)....or who will be your guru over the net.......but believe me
...they are not Christy Brinkley.....girls like Christy do not spend
their time cybering with guys like you....neither does any Zen teacher
worth their salt. It is possible to imagine a Christy Brinkley look a
like who waits for guys like us to type ooh ooh with her.....but it just
does not happen in real life. Guys like Narasaki Tsugen Roshi or Akiba
Roshi...or even plain old Shoken Winekoff Roshi.....just are not
available to any old Joe or Jane on the internet...sorry.....it does not
happen.

Please, what ever your practice, make it a real practice in your real life.

Be Well,

Fudo

Fear?

2006-04-13T10:57:00.000-05:00

Dear J,

I suppose one could approach learning to dance by attempting never to make a misstep. I find this approach usually leaves me standing on the edge of the dance floor watching the wall flowers on the other side of the floor.

I find that when I step out and try to put my feet in the correct place, dancing becomes a lot more fun...and when the first part of the dancing (asking a partner to dance) is performed correctly (or even sometimes rather poorly) it has a much greater chance of success then never stepping out to dance at all...so I just throw caution and my ego into the wind...and step out and do the best I can...sometimes it is enough, but it is always more then never stepping out at all. I have even been known to transform a wallflower into a dancer with a poorly mumbled cliche, or the oldest line the the book. I am always surprised at how well a wallflower can catch even a poorly tossed line.

It has been my experience that even a poorly tossed line, mumbled in an unclear voice, can turn a sick person into a poet, or a dying man into a philosopher. It can make a sick room into a ball room, and a hospice into a party for two.

The dance is always performed by dancers, those standing about with their hands in their pockets never get to dance..........there is a reason to be sad, and a reason to get out there and dance with the first person you see standing about with their hands in their pockets. What could be a more joyous thing than making dancers out of a couple of wallflowers?

I encourage to you to dance. ....thats it......... tap your feet...come on now......move your knees....hands up......there you go!!!.....you can't look any sillier then I do....now dance.

Be Well

Fudo

On Thumpers

2006-01-13T10:11:00.000-06:00

It matters not to me what holy writing a thumper thumps.

The problem with cutting a pasting little snippets of holy writings (the Koran, the Bible, the Sutras or the Torah) is that they can and have been used to justify any action the person chooses to be doing. They make every action righteous. Thumping clippings from the Bible made Apartheid and the Holocaust righteous, Thumping the Koran made flying airplanes into buildings righteous, Thumping the Sutras made the rape of China and the Aum terrorisms righteous.

Apartheid arose in the mind before the structures were built in society to reinforce it, just like a temple is built when it arises in the mind. Apartheid arose from the thought that others are beneath you and the Bible was used to justify it.......obviously such an idea can be ennobled from the Sutra's as well.

The problem with lifting little sections of the holy writings to justify your position is that pretty much anything can be justified in such a manner. If you read the whole Bible, you get a different idea than from "an eye for an eye"....or if you read the whole section that describes homosexuality as a sin...you would also not eat pork, or shrimp or lobster, your wife would be your property, and jerking off as much of a sin as ......well never mind..... and almost any male (and most females) are right there in sin with every gay or lesbian. The point being that the thumper is using the writings to justify their position. They do not care if that position is consistent with the rest of the writings, They are not looking for the way , they are only looking to justify their way. Thumpers are are dangerous. When they are alone they are even more scary, because there is no check at all on how crazy they can become...there is nowhere for them to get a sanity check....but then again..a thumper does not thump to have their ideas tested in crucible of a discussion, they thump to justify their position, their reality, created by their ideas. When challenged a thumper has nothing to say....all they can do it thump some more, and use some stolen wisdom to try and justify their own position, because by nature, a thumper has no wisdom of their own.

Before we get all holier then thou and pat ourselves on the back, we are all thumpers at times too, just like we all are pretentious sometimes too. A wise person recognizes this tendency in themselves, and works to minimize it in themselves rather then maximize the danger to themselves and others. A wise person gets a sanity check from those around them from time to time, just to make sure they have not wandered too far afield.

Before we get too down on ourselves for our tendency to wander off the path all too easily, let us remember that all do this sometimes as well. We also are sometimes wise, and sometimes noble as well. There is nothing that arises in any person, be that nobility or ignorance, that does not arise in us as well. To pretend otherwise is just lying to ourselves. Every decent Zen teacher I have ever met has someone they respect to check themselves with so they do not wander off too far afield in their life. Power corrupts, a wise man or woman gets a check on this corruption from time to time.

Wisdom is not ignoring anything...ignoring anything is ignorance. Ignoring it in others is not kind, ignoring it in ourselves is dangerous.

English is a tough language...there is no pronoun for the you that is me, and the me that is you, because it is really different then "us". Us is more our separate beings gathered together. The big "I" includes you and the big "you" includes me. When anyone calls anyone on anything, they are indeed calling themselves on it at the same time...there is nothing we dislike more in others, then what we dislike in ourselves. Ask anyone who has lived with a former smoker, a former drinker, a former addict, a former intellectual, a former anything.

The point here is ..no one is beneath us...they are exactly us. No matter how much we huff or stomp away, or use the sutras to justify our position, the basic point of the whole thing (any holy writing) has been missed the moment we think we can leave. The moment the thought arises that there is indeed a they that is not us, that can be left, we are lost. One of the basic points of Jesus' teaching was that he was exactly the beggar you treated poorly, he is exactly the "homo" or the "terrorist" you deny basic human rights to. (oh wait..we already did that to him didn't we??? wow...Deja Vu all over again.....) He is exactly the "least of my brothers "(what ever you do to the least.... you do him...exactly).....hmmm a most Buddhist of teachings........None of us is alone in missing these teachings, most of us miss them most of the time. Whatever we do to anyone, we do at the same time to Buddha, Jesus, Mohamed, Bahula, Moses, Shiva, Zeus, The goddess, the green man, to Hitler, Pol Pot, the republicans and the democrats.

Be Well

Fudo

Dogen Zen and the time Zen was pure

2006-01-09T09:03:00.000-06:00

I appreciate the motives that make people strive to recreate a Zen that is pure like it was in Dogen's time. I think it is a little naive to think that only now, only here has a similar effort been made. I know that in Japan I heard the same sort of talk from "noble" efforts being made to return the practice to what is was before it got polluted.....by having to pay for temples, and having been "institutionalized". I am sure one find the same movements in Tibetan Buddhism, even in the Catholic church......there is nothing new or unique about such efforts....it is only our ego that thinks that this time..when we do it ...will it be successful. Dogen was a revolutionary as well.....history shows us the problem with revolutions is that they inevitably become what they revolted against, or they die before they have the opportunity to. The structures exist for a reason...the Modern Soto Shu is there for a reason, it did not become what it is because everyone in it it is corrupt, it became what is because there was a Soto-shu shaped hole in the universes that needed filling. There are more reformers in Japan than there are in New Mexico, or Texas, or Minnesota.....all wanting to go back to the time when things were pure....the problem is ....there never was a time when things were pure.

The Zen we think of as "Dogen Zen" never existed...even in Dogen's time. There was no group of more noble than other monks huddled in a small group by a fire somewhere..or in a shack...aspiring to a "true" practice...well there was...but they had the same problems that we have today..and only stayed by the fire long enough to find a noble sponser....problems like who is going to pay for the shack?...and where are we going to get food?..How are we going to exist in this time and place? Who is going to cook lunch so we can eat? The lotus only bloomed in muddy water. If one stops by to visit Eihieji today one can still see the monuments to the ones who paid for the building of the temple. Those rich guys ...or rich family......in Old Japan..you know..the nobles?...the ones who paid for everything?...the ones you had to sell on the idea that building a temple was a good place to spend their money?...the ones who in their grief tried to assure a place in nirvana for themselves and their children, while they were busy lopping of the heads of peasants, and killing themselves with swords? No smart temple priest these days caters to a single donor....because that means the donor wants to be in charge...I am sure things were different in Dogen's day when single donors were all that was available. Not to mention, picking the right donor....because If your donor got his head lopped off.....well unless you were politic enough you were out of the temple when the new noble moved in, replaced by the priest who played the game better than you did, or at least was luckier than you at the track where priests picked out which horse to bet their life and practice on. If you were out...so was all that you carefully tended, and your noble flock of underlings either went with you into obscurity , found a new rich person who wanted to be assured of nirvana, or bowed to the new order.

Well what about Ancient China during the flowering of Buddhism in China?.....as bad or worse.

Well then let us go back to when it all was new.....the time of the living Buddha were a perfect group of Arhats with shining halos about their heads sat in gardens and ate rice begged from the people on the street......No muddy water there...not if we ignore the fact that even if Buddha was liberal enough to let low caste males into his sangha...even he could not bend enough to let women in....until and unless it was understood that the highest ranked woman must bow to the lowest rank man (as the lowest ranked man I can tell you that this idea is not dead in some parts of the world.) The we have the rules about not having sex with trees. Buddha only made the rules as they were needed....so we must have had a least one tree fucker mucking up the picture. Then of course, there was Ananda. He had memorized every word of the Buddha, before he played his robes and position into the bed of every woman he could....maybe all those women who were bowing at his feet in the morning, had a little trouble not bowing at night. I am sure there were volunteers(this too is as old as time), some more voluntary then others. Yet none of this was cause for Ananda to be removed from the sangha....that was reserved for those who planned the coup. Ooops....politics in the original Sangha? You are kidding right?

So where is this perfection that we are going to go back to?.where is the mud that is purer than this mud?....The Lotus has always bloomed in muddy water. Perhaps our efforts would be better spent blooming where we are planted, rather than chasing after the myth of a more noble time.

How do we get rid of our anger?

2006-01-07T12:58:00.000-06:00

Many people come to the practice of Zen or to any religion for that matter because of a profound feeling that something is wrong. There is something wrong with "them"....the is something wrong with "us"...therefore what "is" needs to be fixed.....more so for what is "wrong" with others over what is "misunderstood" about ourselves.
But the essential feeling of "wrongness" in ourselves is what motivates most practice...we practice to fix what is "wrong" with us so we can fix what is "wrong" with the world and everyone else. There is something wrong with us because we feel anger....there is something wrong with him because he is angry......anger, sadness and suffering are essential to our being, someone once said that "all life is suffering". This sense of wrongness is not "wrong" because it drives us to seek something better, or at least it can....it drives us to seek a solution, it forces us to begin to heal...like the swelling of a bruised ankle and the pain that keeps us off our feet for a while or lets us know when we are hurting ourselves more. Pain is not "bad"in its essential nature, anger is not "bad" by its nature. Anger is natural, it is neither good nor bad by its nature. So getting rid of anger is not the goal, anger has a purpose and a function.

I remember a developmentally disabled kid who was not under my direct care, but in the area where I worked. He used to pull down his pants all the time. His well meaning care takers decided to put a lock on his belt so he could not remove his pants. It kept him from removing his pants, even in the bathroom, which lead to some unfortunate problems that had not existed before......the problem was not that taking off your pants is bad, it is that there are appropriate places to do so and to not do so.....it was a matter of discrimination...rather than teaching the kid discrimination, they made the problem worse.

As the writer of "The Merging of Difference and Unity" tells us "all things have their function, it is a matter of use in the appropriate situation". Well what can be the purpose of anger?......as you have noted anger usually results from hurt or fear. Fear most often results from an experience of hurt...as all have noted, an animal with no experience with humans does not fear them. Hurt gives rise to fear which gives rise to anger. Anger functions properly to protect us (and those we care about) from hurt.

What then does anger tell us if we listen?...it tells us there is an unhealed hurt existing somewhere...there is a fear there that needs to be addressed. Now should we fear crossing a busy street?.....yes a certain amount of fear is healthy, and anger is a natural response to a driver speeding down the street where your children are playing. One should not try and eliminate anger, or leave anger somewhere.

Just dropping anger like a rock is no more of an answer than taking drugs so you can continue to walk on an injured ankle. What ever triggered your anger will continue to trigger your anger whenever it arises. One could address the anger by many dysfunctional methods ..the ones we often choose..we can suppress it, we can kill our children so we no longer fear so tremendously for them in an increasingly hostile world, we can shoot the driver and stop the car. Shooting the driver or the kids does not work either..there are always more children and more drivers, and no end here to our anger.

Or we can sit down with our anger, and use it as a tool to probe where we are hurt....I fear for my children, that is where this anger arises, what then can I do that is best for myself and all beings to protect my children?....well what about forbidding them to cross the street or go anywhere near the street? nah that will not work in the real world...What about sitting around working on my anger? darn that does not work either..it just keeps popping up........what about knowing they are not "my" children and when I think about them I get angry, so I should just forget about them? nah that really does not work either..........what about lowering the speed limit, having the city put up warning signs,increase enforcement, or put in speed bumps?...well one or all of these might be effective... maybe I should work towards a truly effective method to reduce my fear, and in doing so I will reduce my anger..and by the way my neighbor is angry about that too, and of course I might save a child in the process, not to mention the life of a driver which would be ruined by his carelessness should he ever hit a kid. Now I have used my anger to reduce anger in myself and my neighbor, protected both the driver and the children....who could possibly say the anger that motivated this action was bad?

Sometimes the fear that makes us angry is not even rational...my elder daughter is afraid of worms.....wave a worm at her and she becomes angry. Forbidding worms in her presence is not a practical solution...as long as she fears worms ...worms will make her angry. What needs to be healed here is not her anger, but the fear of worms...she is not willing to work on this right now.....but should her anger ever become her concern, the way to fix it is to fix the irrational fear of worms. If we fear men for example for some happening in our past, or fear intimacy, or fear anything, we have a hurt that needs healing. Our anger points to these injuries. Some fear is rational...if it is rational, then find realistic ways to protect yourself (or others) and reduce the fear when it results in anger, if the fear arises from a real hurt that needs healing, get the help we need to heal the hurt, if the fear is irrational there are ways to fix that as well.

Anger is a poison, but like a poison it can be used for both good and evil. Most medicines are poisonous in some dosage. It is a matter of use in the appropriate situation. It is only when we spread it around with no thought, no control, no discrimination that anger poisons everything.

All things have their function, even anger.

Now we shall move from the realm of psychology to Buddhism. Much of our fear comes from incorrect understandings...where Buddhism comes into play is where fear stems from the feeling that "we" are separate from them. We are alone, we are something more than a pile of skandhas..... When anger is directed at "them" then it is not being used appropriately. When Zen directs us to look at what is, then we reduce great amounts of fear, and thus great amounts of anger. When we look at what really is we become not angry at the driver for driving too fast, but ourselves for not calling the street department or whomever is responsible for taking care of speed bumps, perhaps we will even get up off our cushion and make a few calls. (or write a few posts).

When we sit down to let everything go, the last little thing that identifies ourselves to ourselves, the last thing we have to know so we can forget is our own hurts...they are what at the most basic level identify us to ourselves. since the last thing we let go of is "our" pain the last thing we really let go of is "our" anger. Often during the process our practice even makes us more angry, as we bring forth the last of our hurts to be let go, we bring forth more and more essential anger. It is a part of the process, neither to embraced nor shunned, just is....neither good nor bad. (remember the warning that not everything that comes up is pleasant?) Sometimes the fear at this point get so great that one avoids sitting, this is one more place where a teacher who knows what is going on can come and help one through this part of the process. It is also a part of the teacher's role to be the thing there for the student to be angry at, to give the student a place to put the anger, while the surprised student learns to deal with what is happening.

Buddhism offers us the eightfold path, not as a cudgel to beat others who are wrong with, but as a well marked path to end suffering (note: not "our" suffering). Every Buddhist is on the path, some in comfy places, some in not...no one has finished the path while they are alive, nor should anyone be expected to act like they have.

So anger is not something we need to get rid of, it is not wrong to be angry, being angry is just being angry. Now what will you do with your anger? Will you use it or will it use you? It is a matter of use in the appropriate situation.

Be Well
Fudo

What about zen practice and relationships?

2005-12-30T15:15:00.000-06:00

It is much easier to love all mankind then it is to love any particular man or woman.

It is much easier to be in love with our fantasy of what mankind is than to have to love a man or woman as he or she is. .....really loving mankind is in fact loving each man and woman as we love the Buddha (or what we imagine the Buddha to be).

It is possible to abuse a meditation practice to the detriment of relationships. It is possible to leave our significant others behind in our quest for an individual enlightenment. It is one aspect of any Mahayana practice (and Zen is a Mahayana school) to vow not to enter Nirvana until everyone else has entered first. It is my contention that a good place to start is where you are. One should be more concerned with loving care for one's significant other, child or parent then one is with themselves and their individual practice of meditation. One should not sacrifice one moment more to meditation than one needs to get by while failing to attend to our families needs and our responsibilities to those who depend on us, or take care of us.

I have seen many Zen students caught up in the zeal that results from seeing changes in themselves that they forget that it is not really about themselves. It is in fact impossible to forget yourself when all you think about is yourself. There is a big difference between knowing
yourself, and only thinking about yourself. Yes we need to study ourselves to forget ourselves, but only thinking of ourselves will never lead us to forgetting ourselves.

If the changes from your meditation practice do not result in you becoming a better father, mother, son or daughter, partner, employee or boss, or a better Zen teacher if that is your choice of path then your practice is a worthless dead end. It is after all, all about seeing others go ahead in the Zen schools, not about running ahead yourself. It is about where you are right now, not where you should be, or will be if only. It is not about seeing the man who became filled with road rage and wound up causing the death of others as separate from us, as different from us, (thank whoever that we are not in jail with such a bail like that for a reason like that...after all if we had been formed by the forces that shapedthat man We would have done so much better), but rather it is seeing this person as a fellow suffering being, and taking what steps we can right around us to relieve the suffering of those around us who might end up as strung out and frustrated as this man if we do not carefully attend what is going on with them.

Yes we might need to sit down and get calm where we are right now, but we should not spend one minute more in such a practice than we need to be able to stand up and take care of all that is around us, including family, friends, fellow workers, bosses and employees.

Happy New Year,

Fudo

I read Zen is not big on compassionate action..but you seem to be at least somewhat in favor....what is going on?

2005-12-10T08:13:00.000-06:00

Dear K,

Reading again huh? That can be dangerous. It leads to expectations which leads to ........all kinds of distractions.

I guess I can see where one might think that Zen is not much for compassionate action. One might say that there is a koan in there somewhere....because perhaps to some the definition of what sort of action is truly compassionate might differ.

In many religions there are apparent conflicts when people try to act in real life on some vague philosophy or set of moral principles. There are also those who talk the talk but do not walk the walk. We have such people in Zen too. This is why we are less concerned with what kind of talk you can talk....and more concerned by the kind of walk you walk.

If one sees the ultimate goal of life is to become enlightened, the what might be considered compassionate is something that has in the past proved effective as a means to that end.

In Zen this is a set of activities that includes sitting meditation. If death is seen as a part of the process of living, just keeping people alive may not have the same emphasis as say sitting meditation. If keeping your focus on just this moment is effective towards what is seen as the desired end, then telling someone to just be hungry might be sometimes seen as compassionate. Of course some people miss the idea that in order to have a spiritual life you must first have a life..(thank you Thomas Merton). Some in Zen see just sitting your own meditation as the ultimate bodhisatva action. In order to assist others in their enlightenment you must first be enlightened yourself (other wise how do you know what is truly effective?). Sitting down to do zazen (and don't get me started and what zazen is....even Dai Kai and I who are students of the same teacher ..or were...seem to disagree and what zazen is.....) is to some the be all and end all of all that needs to be taught and all that needs to be done by a compassionate person...in fact some say that is all that can really be done.

There are very few people who have had the opportunity to study in Japan. I am one of the fortunate few. Seeing what Zen is there, and what the perceptions of what Zen is here, is most startling. In a temple in Japan all zazen is dropped if something needs to be done for the Sangha. People find much fault with the "funeral" industry that many see as all that Zen is in Japan any longer, but they forget that helping the grieving was something that needed to be done and no one else was doing it. After WW2 there were many widows with children, and an acute shortage of child care facilities for single parents. Many Zen temples to this day have a day care facility on the grounds......where priests attend to the needs of young children and their parents.

When I was in Japan I asked Narasaki Tsugen Roshi (a fairly famous Zen Teacher and Painter) to paint something on my book cover. I must admit I was a bit disappointed when he painted a quick picture of an abbot's stick, and then wrote "what ever is in front of you is your practice". Time has brought me the eyes to appreciate the teaching.

One can talk about Zen practice as if how you sit, how often you sit, or when and where you sit meditation is the practice. This is not what Tsugen Roshi was pointing to. In Japan if the monks are sitting and a visitor arrives, one monk who's job it is to take care of guests..jumps up from his zazen and goes to make tea and welcome the guest.....(temples are tourist attractions in Japan..there are frequent guests.)....after all the guests questions are answered, and all that they can see that the wish to see has been shown....and all their needs attended to, the monk returns to the schedule of activities with his or her fellow monks....such a receptions would be rare if you happened into an American Zen Center during a meditation period. If you are sitting meditation, and a guest arrives in front of you...your practice is to take care of the guest. If you are engaged in the schedule in the monastery, and a typhoon hits your community, you go and help rescue the survivors, and bury the dead.

Now we come to the hard part........you do not need to go looking for typhoons and guests. Perhaps they are someone else's practice right now. What is here now arising in front of you is your practice. In my case trying to teach a six year old some values for her life is my practice. Children without food in the world might be someone else's practice but in my case my five year old (last year) asked what she could do for other children who did not have food after seeing something on TV about hungry children....She made some crafts and donated over $300 to the heifer project last year...she gave a little more to Oprah's angel network where the children in question were shown. I did not go looking for do gooder projects to ease my mind while I lived what in most countries would be a life of luxury (even though I am well below the poverty line in this country). It arose in front of me as something that needed to be done...it became my practice for that moment. I should completely attend to this task that arises before me in this moment to the best of my ability. This is Tsugen's message. This is the real Zen practice that he was speaking of...it might not even involve sitting meditation....lol.

If you are married, then your marriage is arising before you..it is your practice. If you are a parent, then that is arising in front of you and that is your practice. One should not sit in the the temple in New Orleans calmly meditating as the storm blows, and the sewage rises all around you ..not just in front of you. If it is your job to build levees against some future threat...that is your practice too...if as a husband wife or parent, this moment requires planning for the next moments then that planning too is your practice.

Tsugen's message was that there is enough right in front of you....you need not hurry down to the bookstore to seek a practice. Nor travel off to far away places (unless you are told you will need to by your teacher so you can get some old bald guy to write on your book cover a mesaage you will need to share years later.......oh I guess that is part of my job....and what arose before me then and now.)

Sometimes even typing long messages in a manner that is antithetical to Zen is my Zen practice........there is another koan...they just keep popping up. Sometimes heading off to a nice Christian group to package food for starving children (the most effective program in the area) is my Zen practice. Sometimes wrapping presents to help a Sheriff help my child to put smiles on other kids faces is my Zen practice...even if it has nothing to do with Zen, it has everything to do with Zen.......Zen is famously full of such paradox. If you are going to fool around with Zen you better get used to it.

Be Well

Fudo

Not knowing?..What if you feel you know in a social or political situation?

2005-12-07T10:08:00.000-06:00

It is my contention that if you "feel you know"...this is the same as acting like you know when you really don't.
In this day and age many confuse feelings with knowledge and opinion with fact....all one need to do is watch cable news correspondents interview each other when there is nothing to say to see how opinion and impression are confused with knowledge in this day and age.

In politics....all is opinion....and opinion formed without direct knowledge or experience...none of us know.....what happened in New Orleans....unless we were there....and then the most we could have was an impression of a small portion of what happened. Yet in this country we must act (vote) or not act based only on our limited understanding. It is only when we mistake our limited understanding or feelings for fact, and act as those things were fact, that we screw up royally. The best we can have in any political or social situation is partial knowledge. We cannot know..no matter how much we "feel' we know. It is when we tighten down and no longer think about something we "know" that we tighten down our thinking and "we" know better than "they"...and it is in such ideas that war (or any conflict) begins. "We" cannot fight with ourselves...."we" can only fight with "them".

I know many people who feel that abortion is wrong. They voted for President Bush because he was "Pro Life"...now they are very frustrated with him because even though he has a majority in both houses he has not passed any "pro life" legislation. They felt he was good for their cause.....he said he was for their cause...just as rabidly has they seemed to be.....yet nothing has been done. What could have been done?...there opinions differ of course...and what would effectivly reduce the number of abortions assuming that such a thing could be done?....no one really knows. I know literally no one who is pro abortion...all agree it is at best a terrible solution to a difficult problem...but it is as old as sex and reproduction. I find nothing more amusing then men with opinions about abortion.....men do not even have to know there is anything to abort unless women choose to tell them...there is nothing a man can do to control abortion...short of restraint....and then only on an individual basis....(I suppose we could tie all women down permanently so they cannot have access to a coat hanger or a crochet hook..but even the most pro life voter would not go for that one). Perhaps this idea of "gaining control" is behind men's obsession with abortion..but the truth is ......it never has been nor never will be something men can control. Yet it drives political choices in this country....President Bush is president largely because of people's (men's most particularly) feelings about abortion. Interesting isn't it? The one thing we do know about abortion is that it has always been around.....we can guess it always will be around....how we "feel" about that .....well that is what becomes politics......politics is about feelings...not about knowledge. When we mistake feelings for knowledge....then we tighten and become smaller...when we can seperate what we know..from what we feel...we can begin to open up and become more tolerant of others.

In any social situation we can at best know only half of what is going on. If there are more than two ...we know even less.

Yet we must act in social and political situations. If we act in a closed foregone conclusion manner out of "knowledge we feel we have"...we act differently than if we act because we must act even out of our profound ignorance.

The truth of our lives is that we are all profoundly ignorant in most situations...when we know this and act accordingly we act in a kinder more open and more tolerant manner. When we can be compassionate to ourselves about the profoundly true state of our own ignorance, we become more compassionate to others who act out of their own profound state of ignorance. When we are aware of our own ignorance, it ceases to poison our every activity....(ignorance is one of the three poisons Buddha spoke about.) Often there is little we can do about our ignorance...all we really can do is apply the antidote to the poison so it does not infect our every breath. We can only not know.(that which we cannot know)

The antidote to ignorance is not to ignore even more...... the antidote to ignorance is to know it is the the essential truth of our lives, and to act out of the knowledge of this essential truth...in essence perhaps the only one thing we can truly know. If you act out of the compassion that arises from knowing this essential truth....then the world will indeed become a better place....not matter how you vote, or how you choose to act in this particular social situation.

So do not strive for a knowledge that you cannot have. Do not spend your time seeking that which cannot be. There is no knowing enough...there is no final knowledge. There is not really any permanent knowing...at best we can remember at this time how little we really can know...and act out of that intimate knowledge (when we can remember it )....and liberally apply the antidote to the poison of ignorance in our every breath.

This is why I say do not read books......this is why a Zen blog like this is really the antithesis of Zen. No knowledge you might gain from a book, or from a list or a blog will do you or the world one whiff of good until you begin to apply the antidote to your own ignorance in the world about you. No amount of seeking, nor amount of reading will give you anything but the ultimate ignorance you already own. ....do not read...do not rethink...do not solve...do not philosophize.......only don't know...and solutions appear.

"Between the sharp and dull witted there is no distinction".....Eihei Dogen.

Be Well,

Fudo the ignorant.

Those who were left Behind

2005-09-06T10:40:00.000-05:00

I have been watching the news coverage of the disasters that were started by Hurricane Katrina.

I must admit that as I watched the confused responses that the government made I was very angry with certain political officials who had diverted funds, or moved departments around,or played golf or a guitar while New Orleans drowned. I was angry at those officials who left so many people behind.

There was talk of those who did not go, to those who could not go....and how no one seemed to care. At first I was angry at those who left these people behind....then after a few days of cursing the administration I realized that these people that were still in New Orleans had not just been left behind in the last few days by a callous government administration. These people had been left behind a long time ago....they had been left behind as children when they entered school, they had been left behind when there was training for good jobs, they were left behind when they were too old or too ill to be of use to us..they were indeed left behind by a callous administration but they had been left behind by all of us long before there was a storm in the gulf.

Many of us speak about the rising tide that lifts all boats, but we forget not all of us have boats. If we are going to mouth such cliches it is incumbent on us to make sure each and every person has if not a boat of their own,at least a berth on a boat somewhere.

While it is nothing but a crying shame that it took so long for the government to respond to this crisis, (I know it makes me comfortable that the government could respond so well to a crisis they did have five days notice of), it is even more of a crying shame that in the richest country in the world there were people without the means to even get out of the way of an oncoming blow. We have people in the country who we have left without the ability to even duck. They were not left behind in the last years or months ...they were left behind decades ago. They were left behind by Buddhists as well as Evangelical Christians, they were left behind by liberals as well as conservatives, they were left behind by women as well as men...they were left behind without a backward glance by each and every one of us long long ago.

I know it is naive to believe we can end poverty....but poverty is a relative thing.....there need not be people in the richest country in the world who do not have a way to leave if disaster is coming with five days notice. The poor will always be with us a wise man once said, it is also true the foolish will always be with us. Some will be too foolish to leave property in order to protect their lives, but I must point out that too is the result of a culture that says you are what you own, what you can consume is all that matters, and a man is a person who wears the latest fashion, not a person who makes good sound decisions for himself and his family and friends. A woman is someone who looks good floating face down in the muck, not someone with sense enough to move her children to high ground when the water is rising. The poor should be given drugs to keep them quiet so we do not have to think about leaving them behind rather than helping them to have some minimum standard of living ..it is ok for insurance companies to rip them off, credit card companies to loot them, rental agencies to overcharge for very little, and now even their ability to insure a car so they could drive out of New Orleans is based on how long it has been since they payed their Visa card who so generously offer credit at 30% plus interest and of course very reasonable late fees and other charges.....then if they could buy a car and insure it ...the police are 10 times more likely to stop them and ticket them in an old car that they can afford than those a new one.....and Us?... We are just glad that these things happen to "those people".... The poor in California payed for the energy rip offs of Enron to a much greater degree than those who were rich.....we hear often about the poor people who lost their pensions when Enron failed....but not a whit about the poor who had to pay the power bills ...and that made them late on their credit cards, and that made them not be able to get a decent place to live...or even a way to get to work. Shame on us....shame on all of us...all of us who were just glad that it was not happening to us ......yet. In our rush to take care of us and those we consider ours, we have left innocent children and babies behind to drown. We have left the old and ill behind to rot in their wheelchairs. Shame on us.... Shame on all of us.

The problem for us should not be that in these days of disaster we cannot ignore the cries of children who have lost their mothers, or mothers who have lost sight of children the rest of us lost sight of long ago. We should not have to seek who to be blaming for those that were left behind. There should not have been one person left behind...not this week, not last, not in the decades and years before this disaster hit.

As Buddhists we vow to save all beings....the vow is not to move forward faster than the slowest one....to be the last to enter, not the first. We should not be righteous in our anger......the failure is in each and every one of our hearts.

Be Well

Fudo

Our mind and our perceptions

2005-08-26T10:55:00.000-05:00

The mind can effect how we percieve this moment. Here is a personal story from my pre-zen days. My eldest daughter was about eight at the time...we had a cat that had had kittens..we told here she could keep ONE...she selected the littlestone...it was cute....she had a kind heart and always was for the underdog...shortly after all the others had found a home the little kitten sickened and died....she cried like only an eight year old girlcan when she is devastated. Circumstance required we go to off to an activity that was work for me and play for her. As soon as she was down to the sniffling phase we left home and headed off.....I could see trouble coming as I saw a dead cat ahead on the road. My daughter said "look Dad there is a poor dead squirrel!"....on the return trip the dead animal was still a cat for me and a squirrel for her. It remained on the road for several trips...it was always a squirrel for her and a cat for me...It was a life shaping experience for me....a direct point to the power of the mind to shape perception....for her it was just another poor dead squirrel..one among thousands she has seen. From this moment forward I knew that what we perceive does often does not bear much relation to what is...especially if we come to it with unfinished business from the moments before. I worked with mentally ill people who had all kinds of what I thought of as misperceptions....they just did not tally with consensus reality. From this moment forward I had a glimpse into the lying nature of perception....the power of the mind to shape the reality in which we live. I had some greater understanding of the effects of hallucinations and their effects on the mental stability of an individual. I found a key that allowed me to talk to the mentally ill as if the voices (which for them were real) were in fact real for me too....and much progress was made....for both the patient and myself. When I came to Zen, perhaps "only don't know" was easier for me....because I already understood that perceptions and the mind could lie so strongly we ourselves (the little voice in our head) would not even know about the lie. There is little faith in the words of a known liar. I still did not know how to come to the moment without all the stuff I was dragging with me, and I still did not know how to live when we really don't know....but the first was already present when I came to sitting. This is I suppose one of the reasons that "take care of this moment" is so important...even if it sounds so simple and logical...be responsible...finish your business...do not try and short circuit those things that will not let your mind settle...let them come up and go...if they do not go...take care of what ails you...get rid of all that baggage so you can come to the moment free of all that crap as soon possible.....until you can .....you really are just stuck with the mind that is polluted by all that history of misperception. Trying to drive a polluted mind into the moment by forcing it to focus on breathing or forcing it to gaze at your navel can only be momentarily successful. It is giving aspirin to a cancer patient. Sit..see what comes up and what goes away if you do not attend to it...if something keeps coming up....and you can't let go of it....then here is something that needs your attention....fix it..or fix your understanding of it....or let go of your knowing about it.....if it is doubted it will not have the power to force its way into your consciousness uninvited. At the time of that drive I was sure that I was right.... it was a cat.....and that my daughter was wrong due to the fact that she could just not stand to see another dead cat at the time...these days I wonder which of us, if either, got the correct take on that drive to town. Be Well Fudo

What about studying books for understanding?

2005-08-08T16:04:00.000-05:00

If the goal is to be as open as possible to each moment, then understanding of any sort is a hindrance....it is of course a necessary evil...we have to have some little understanding of what is going on in order to function in our life.. I just to not believe catering to it or creating more understanding is the answer...I would prefer to see people deconstructing understanding. Dropping understanding as a goal, leaving the fine intellectual constructions (which by the way are all by their very nature false or at best only partially true)to cease building them and then to actively tear them down and leave all this as rubble ....to not have understanding as a goal, but to understand that to live each moment is the goal, and understanding is in the way, we need some...but let us keep as little as might be necessary rather than fill our headsso our whole life is lived in some book or fantasy world we create.

The problem is in the givens.....given smaller government is better...why have social service?....I understand smaller government is usually better..but wait...the understanding blinds me to the needs of my fellow citizens and our responsibilities to them. Given we should not kill.....well we should be vegetarian...but what if someone has prepared a meal with meat?....should we let the already dead cow go to waste?....what amount of understanding is going to bring us to each varied moment in our lives with all our resource present? (in what ever condition they are in) ..I am sorry ....each thing we grasp limits us...let us just put down the givens and the shoulds and be where we are.

This being said...some understanding is necessary. If someone gets this idea then how does one go about getting the little understanding they need to get through this life?....the best way they can. Having a teacher is the best way. One should try and do that if they can. Second best is sitting with a group without a teacher and last of all if they have no way (and I mean really no way...not just an excuse for not doing it) then reading a book would be a distant third. I remember when someone wrote to me of the impossibility of finding a group or a teacher...first this had to become possible before they could do it..the understanding that no one was about
was keeping them from seeing the resources that they could bring to hand. The first two ways of gaining understanding will bring you into the reality of your life ..the third takes you out of it ....if one must study, study with your whole being what is there in front of you where as Tsugen Roshi told me .......your practice is. Everyone's practice is what is in front of them. This kind of study is more zen then any book review or book reading.

The Soto shu does not give endless lectures on how to do zazen..a quick pointer and then you are stuck right there with a wall and a lot of time....eventually one does wake up to notice the time slowly passing..inside and outside.....the Soto Shu does not believe in giving you an understanding of what zazen is that you must later forget about....it leaves you to build what ever understanding you need to getthrough the period of zazen......and hopefully there will less to tear later when one learns to be here now.I am inclined to read...reading is a great pleasure that takes me away..it is a great escape...I love it....but my goal is not to escape...it is to enter fully and go through since once I enter fully there is no real need to escape. Too many are looking for a cure for this moment....a fix for what ails them...but right here and right now life is being lived..the only life I have...I do not wish to miss a moment of it...good or bad, happy or sad.

I know people will read and people have a need to understand....perhaps when they sit long enough they will get that understanding is highly overrated. It is impossible for a finite conscious mind to grasp this infinite moment..we are blind and crippled..this is the reality of our lives....but even blind and crippled with no real understanding we can still grow and be life. We can even do it joyously and fully once we get that no real understanding is possible....when we give up trying to do the impossible...we are much less frustrated, angry and upset. When a terrorist bomb blows up and we get frightened and angry it is because
the bomb shattered our delusion that we understood the way London works..we lived in London....we got on the tube every morning and we came home on the tube at night..there were some frustrating things about it..but we knew how they worked and we knew what to expect...then BOOOM..our partial understanding is shattered and we are left with anger that this was not the way it was supposed to be today...but the reality is..this was the way it was going to be today....and it was only the comfort of our misunderstanding that was shattered for those of us not present for the attacks. We thought it could not happen here to day....When our partner leaves us because our understanding of our relationship did not include their understanding of our relationship our illusions are shattered our understanding f our relationship is shattered. There is no way for one person in a relationship to "understand" the whole relationship because they only have access to a part of the information...This is true for every where we are....Fear, anger, frustration....These things fade from our lives once the answer to why? becomes because this is what is.

Rather than study a book with your mind, study what is with all that you are.

Be Well Fudo